she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
