She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
