and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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