does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
