ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
