fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
