I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
