this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
