when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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