I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If I die, sorry about rent.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize