Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
