i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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