I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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