Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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