I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
