Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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