I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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