I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I think my fart just growled at me.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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