Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
