guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
