There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
