Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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