does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I am puke
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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