Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
