i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
