Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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