Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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