Well douche your snatch and let's go!
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
