Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
