I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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