and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize