So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
