When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
