Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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