at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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