Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
