I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Pants are for mortals
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
