Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
