Soap is not a condiment
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
