some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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