This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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