My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
