Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
