Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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