If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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