Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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