this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
