Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
