Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
