if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You're like the curious george of whores
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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