i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize