Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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