piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
