We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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