dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
