Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
