You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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