I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
