I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
