That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
