Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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