i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
