Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
