Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
