my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize