Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
