i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize