I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
