i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
