everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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