Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
