My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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